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Gönderme zamanı 12/16/2008 18:17:28 by

Arkadaşımsın Canımsın




Sende kendimi görmek ürkütür beni…


Arkadaşımsın, canımsın…

Yüreğimi paylaştığım, ama sınırları aşamayansın…

Herkes gibisin… Âilem desem değil, ben desem değil, sen tam ortadasın…

Yürümek ve ardımızda koca seneleri devirmek…

Bir edeb hikâyesi yazmak hayalim seninle!

Alnım açık, her ânım, konuştuğumuz kelâmlar dizilir gözlerimin önüne..

Sonra düşünürüm, seni bu beden üzdü mü diye?

Aynaya bakarım… Konuşurum kendimle, gözlerimle ve sonra kalbime ilişir gözlerim…

Seni ararım… Kapladığın yer kadar büyür gözlerim!

Ve sonra hâtıralar kendilerini sergiler ve «İzle bizi!..» derler!

Ellerim senden uzak olmamalı, ama ellerini de sarmamalı! Hep yan yana durmalı…

Arkadaşımsın… Canımsın...

Ama sözlerimiz edebi aratmamalı! Bir hikâyesi olmalı beraberliğimizin… Bir dâvâsı ve de sevdâsı olmalı bu yüreklerin! Menfaat kokusundan kendini arındırmış temiz bir sayfa konmalı adı… Yazın sıcaklığı kadar samimi olmalı sevgimiz, ama eylül kadar derin olmalı kalplerimiz, kış kadar beyaz gözükmeliyiz ve sonbaharın geleceğini unutmadan edebimizi ve de dengemizi muhafaza etmeliyiz…

Kilitlemeliyiz güzel duygularımızı, hırsızların hain bakışlarına teslim etmemeliyiz. Olur da bir gün küskünlük mevsimi gelirse diye, Rabb’in rızasını gözetmeliyiz… Ve hoş görmeliyiz sabırsız dakikaları… Biz arkadaşız diye cesaretin esiri olmamalıyız! Tâviz vermemeliyiz benliğimizden…

Arkadaşımsın… Canımsın..

Ama sen de yabancısın… Arkadaşlıklar sonsuzluk için edebe muhtaçmış… Sen ve ben… Bu deryanın içinde susuzluğumuzun farklında mıyız? Samimiyetimizin doruklarında edebi unutmakta mıyız?! Laubâlilik karışmamalı arkadaşlığımızın esen sevgi rüzgarına…

Yalanlar korkmalı bizden… İpleri hep dengede tutmalı;ne düğümlenmiş, ne de gevşek olmalı… Harflerim çekinmeliler ağzımdan sana doğru yola çıkarken... Seni üzmekten ve edebi ürkütmekten korkmalılar cümle olurken… Bir kristal olmalı kalplerimizin arasında… Perdesiz ve kırılgan… Gösterişli ama nârin olan… Ve hikâyemizin adı, kırmadan ardımızda bırakmak olmalı kristali…

Çok şey beklememeli birbirimizden… Sadece sevmeli ve sadece gerektiğinde gönlünde gezmeli ve bizi gören gözler Allah rızâsı için sevmenin tarihini seyretmeli!

Ve bir kız çocuğu büyütmeli sevgimizden… Ona paylaşmanın kıymetini ve edebi öğretmeli... Adı sevgi olmalı… Ve kristalden bahsetmeli… Küçük yüreğine fısıldamalı kristalin kırılganlığını ve iki kalp arasındaki önemli varlığını… bir gün yaşlı gözlerimiz ebediyetle tanışırken ardımızda bırakacağımız hâtıralarımız bize teselli olmalı… Ve zamanı gelince küçük kıza emânet etmeli kristali ve nice kalplere yakışacak olan sevgi dolu hikayemizi... Sıcacık yatağımızda sonsuzluk için ayrı düştüğümüzde kırmadan tamamladığımız bu hikâyeyi hatırlamalı yüreklerimiz.

Ve ölsek de, bitmeyen sevgimiz ile gönülleri fethetmeliyiz. Çünkü biz sevgiyi kaynağından içmeyi isteyen, sadece Rabbin rızâsı için seven ve bize verilen bu kalp emânetlerine layık olduğu değeri vermek isteyen âciz iki yüreğiz… Sen ve ben… Sen, ben ve devirdiğimiz senelerimiz.

Arkadaşımsın, canımsın…

Sonsuzlukta da yanımda olman için duâ ettiğim, kalbimin karşı kıyısısın

 

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